The "Should" Check
A "should" just showed up. Notice it — and, if you feel like it, ask whether it's true.
The "Should" Check is one of the 108 practices in 108 Moments. It is a mindfulness practice you do with your eyes open, in the middle of an ordinary day. There is nothing to sit down for. You carry one line with you, and each time you catch the moment it describes, that counts.
How to try it today
- Read the line once in the morning: A "should" just showed up. Notice it — and, if you feel like it, ask whether it's true.
- Go about your day. When you catch it happening, that is one moment.
- Count it. Move a bead, or tap once in the app.
- Aim for eighteen moments. Fewer still counts, and a missed day is not a failure.
How to practice The "Should" Check
What to look for
*I should be further along. I should have handled that better. I shouldn't feel this way.* The catch is hearing a "should" land — then asking one calm question: is that actually true? Says who? Sometimes the answer is yes, and now you've got something real to act on. Often the rule turns out to be borrowed, outdated, or someone else's entirely. The common miss is arguing with the feeling instead of checking the rule underneath it.
Why it works
Every "should" carries a hidden verdict — *you're falling short of a rule* — and the rule almost never gets shown for inspection. That's the trick: unexamined rules collect no signatures and still bill you. The check doesn't lower your standards; it audits them. Rules that survive the question "is this true, and is it mine?" are worth keeping — they're your actual values. The ones that don't survive were weight you were carrying for someone who never asked you to put it down.
Where you might catch it
Looking at the inbox
You open email and see forty unread messages. A thought lands: you should be on top of this by now. That's the catch. Notice the word "should" as it arrives. Then ask calmly whether it's true. Maybe a client really is waiting. Maybe the rule came from an old job.
Breakfast with the kids
Cereal is on the floor and someone is crying. You hear it: you should be more patient than this. Catch the word. Then ask if it's true. Maybe a slower breath would help everyone. Or maybe the rule comes from a picture of a parent who never existed.
Scrolling a friend's photos
A friend posts a new house, a promotion, a trip. Your mind says you should be further along. Notice that "should" land. Ask quietly whose timeline it's measuring you against. Often it isn't yours at all. It's a schedule nobody wrote down and you never agreed to.
Right after the meeting
The meeting ends and you replay one comment. You should have said it better. Catch that line as it lands. Then check the rule under it. Maybe there's a real fix, like a short follow-up note to clear things up. Often the rule is that every sentence must come out perfect, and nobody holds you to that.
On the couch after work
You sit down after work and the thought arrives: you should be doing something useful. Notice it. Then ask if it's true right now. Maybe the dishes do need doing. Or maybe rest only feels wrong because someone once called it lazy. Either way, you've looked at the rule.
Stuck in traffic
Traffic stops and your chest tightens. You shouldn't feel this annoyed over a few minutes. That's a "should" too. Catch it. The feeling is already here, so the rule says you're wrong for having it. Ask if that rule is true. Being annoyed in traffic is pretty ordinary.
If it isn't clicking
I end up arguing with the feeling
You hear "I should be calmer" and start trying to force calm. That's the common miss. Leave the feeling alone. Look at the rule under it instead. Ask one plain question: is calm required right now, and who decided that. The feeling can stay while you check.
Most of my shoulds seem true
Some shoulds are true. You should call the dentist back. That's fine. The check isn't about throwing rules out. When a should holds up, you now have one clear thing to do. Do it or put it on the calendar. The catch still counts, because you looked.
I don't notice them until later
Shoulds are quick and sound like plain facts, so they slip past. That's normal. Try listening for the word itself, out loud or in your head. "Supposed to" and "need to" often carry the same rule. Catching one an hour later still counts. With practice, the word gets easier to hear.
Six levels deep
This page covers the first level. In the app, The "Should" Check goes six levels deep, with its own line at each one. The move stays the same. Only where you point it changes.
- NoticeJust catch it. Nothing else. There is no wrong answer.
- RelateCatch it. Then notice how you took it.
- Turn TowardPoint it at the hard stuff on purpose.
- SteadyDo it on bad days too. Tired days. Busy days.
- WidenPoint it wider. Strangers. Crowds. People you avoid.
- RadiateSpot a chance to pass it on. Taking it is up to you.
Questions
What does it mean to question a "should"?
It means noticing a should and asking whether the rule behind it is true and yours. You aren't trying to stop the thought. You're just looking at it. Some rules hold up and point to something worth doing. Others turn out to be borrowed from someone else.
Does questioning shoulds make you lazy or lower your standards?
No. The check doesn't throw standards away. It sorts them. A rule that's true and yours stays, and it often feels clearer once you've looked. What drops away are rules you never chose, like a deadline nobody set. That usually leaves more room for what matters to you.
Why do I say "should" so much?
Shoulds are a common way rules get passed along. Parents, teachers, jobs, and friends all hand them out. Many get absorbed early and never get looked at again. So they keep running in the background. Noticing the word is a simple way to bring a rule into view.
How long does The "Should" Check take?
Each catch takes a second or two. You do not set time aside. The practice runs in the background of whatever you are already doing, and you count the moments you catch.
Is this meditation?
Not the sit-down kind. It is informal mindfulness: paying attention on purpose during ordinary moments, with your eyes open and your day still moving.
Do I need the necklace?
No. The app keeps count for you. The necklace is an optional way to keep count with your hands: eighteen beads, two strands of nine.