Doing Their Best
When a stranger slows you down, entertain the idea that they're doing their best. Entertaining it is the bead.
Doing Their Best is one of the 108 practices in 108 Moments. It is a mindfulness practice you do with your eyes open, in the middle of an ordinary day. There is nothing to sit down for. You carry one line with you, and each time you catch the moment it describes, that counts.
How to try it today
- Read the line once in the morning: When a stranger slows you down, entertain the idea that they're doing their best. Entertaining it is the bead.
- Go about your day. When you catch it happening, that is one moment.
- Count it. Move a bead, or tap once in the app.
- Aim for eighteen moments. Fewer still counts, and a missed day is not a failure.
How to practice Doing Their Best
What to look for
The checkout line crawling because the clerk is new. The hesitant merge. The receptionist who's curt at 4:55. The catch is running the assumption on purpose: given whatever their day actually contains, this might be their best. The common miss is feeling like you're excusing bad behavior. You're not issuing a verdict — you're picking a working guess, and this one costs you nothing to hold.
Why it works
You never see the inputs — the sleep, the diagnosis, the second job, the first day. You only see the output, and judged output-only, everyone looks like they should be doing better. "Doing their best" isn't naive; it's the guess that accounts for the invisible inputs, and it changes your side of every exchange: your tone, your patience, your face. Strangers get the harshest defaults precisely because there's no relationship to contradict them. That's why they're the training ground.
Where you might catch it
On a crowded sidewalk
A group ahead walks four across, slow, and blocks the whole path. You feel the urge to sigh loudly as you pass. Catch that urge. Maybe one of them has a sore knee. Maybe they are visiting and don't know the city. Pick the kinder guess on purpose. That pick is the moment.
The grocery checkout
The clerk scans each item twice and calls for a price check. The line behind you sighs. Notice the story starting in your head. Then swap it: maybe this is their second day, or their tenth hour. Their best today might look exactly like this. Catching that swap counts as one moment.
On hold with customer service
Twenty minutes on hold, then the agent asks for your account number again. Before the edge creeps into your voice, catch it. They may be reading from a script they hate, with a supervisor listening. Assume this is their best for now. Notice how your next sentence comes out a little softer.
The coffee shop counter
Your order comes out wrong, and the barista seems flat and distracted. The quick read is that they don't care. Try a different working guess. Maybe they opened at five and haven't sat down since. You still ask for the right drink. You just ask with a different face.
Merging onto the highway
Someone hesitates at the merge, and the whole lane stutters. Your hand drifts toward the horn. That is the moment to catch. Maybe they just got their license. Maybe a mirror is broken or the kids are fighting in the back seat. Give them the guess. Tap once and let the gap open.
The front desk at 4:55
It's 4:55 and the receptionist answers you in two clipped words. The sting arrives fast. Notice it, then run the guess: they may have fielded complaints all afternoon. Their best right now might be short. You don't have to approve of the tone. You only choose how to read it.
If it isn't clicking
It feels like I'm letting people off the hook
You're not deciding whether they did well. You're picking which guess to carry while you wait. The other guess, that they're lazy or rude, is also a guess. It just costs you more. You can still speak up about a real problem. Do it with the kinder guess in place.
I only remember after I've already snapped
That still counts as a catch. Notice it late, then run the guess anyway, even after the moment has passed. Tap for it. Catching it late is how you start catching it sooner. Over time the cue moves earlier: the tight jaw, the sigh, the glance at your phone.
I don't actually believe it
You don't have to. The practice is to entertain the idea, not to be sure of it. Say it to yourself like a hypothesis: this might be their best. Even half-believed, it can change your tone and your face. Holding the guess lightly is enough to count the moment.
Six levels deep
This page covers the first level. In the app, Doing Their Best goes six levels deep, with its own line at each one. The move stays the same. Only where you point it changes.
- NoticeJust catch it. Nothing else. There is no wrong answer.
- RelateCatch it. Then notice how you took it.
- Turn TowardPoint it at the hard stuff on purpose.
- SteadyDo it on bad days too. Tired days. Busy days.
- WidenPoint it wider. Strangers. Crowds. People you avoid.
- RadiateSpot a chance to pass it on. Taking it is up to you.
Questions
Is assuming people are doing their best naive?
Not really. You never see what someone's day contains: the poor sleep, the sick kid, the first shift. You only see the slow result. Assuming they're doing their best is the guess that leaves room for all that. You can still notice real problems and say so.
Why practice this with strangers instead of people you know?
With friends and family, history shapes how you read them. You know their stresses. Strangers come with no backstory, so the harshest guess fills the gap fast. That makes everyday strangers a good place to catch the habit. The checkout line and the traffic give you plenty of chances.
What if someone really is being rude?
They might be. This practice doesn't ask you to decide otherwise. It asks you to notice your first harsh read and try a second guess beside it. You can still set a limit or ask for what you need. You'll likely do it more calmly with the second guess in mind.
How long does Doing Their Best take?
Each catch takes a second or two. You do not set time aside. The practice runs in the background of whatever you are already doing, and you count the moments you catch.
Is this meditation?
Not the sit-down kind. It is informal mindfulness: paying attention on purpose during ordinary moments, with your eyes open and your day still moving.
Do I need the necklace?
No. The app keeps count for you. The necklace is an optional way to keep count with your hands: eighteen beads, two strands of nine.