Catch the "Should"
Catch a "should" aimed at yourself, mid-flight.
Catch the "Should" is one of the 108 practices in 108 Moments. It is a mindfulness practice you do with your eyes open, in the middle of an ordinary day. There is nothing to sit down for. You carry one line with you, and each time you catch the moment it describes, that counts.
How to try it today
- Read the line once in the morning: Catch a "should" aimed at yourself, mid-flight.
- Go about your day. When you catch it happening, that is one moment.
- Count it. Move a bead, or tap once in the app.
- Aim for eighteen moments. Fewer still counts, and a missed day is not a failure.
How to practice Catch the "Should"
What to look for
*I should be further along by now. I should work out more. I shouldn't need this much help.* The catch is simply hearing one land — no interrogation required, no rebuttal. Just: there's one. There's another. They come surprisingly fast once you're listening. The common miss is turning each catch into a debate. That's a different practice (The "Should" Check, in the Friend family). Here you're only taking the census.
Why it works
Most people have no idea how many "shoulds" they field per day, because each one lands and dissolves before it's noticed — leaving only its residue, a low-grade sense of being behind. The census changes that. Counted, the shoulds turn out to be a system: recurring, patterned, mostly inherited, and collectively responsible for much of the day's background pressure. You can't renegotiate rules you've never seen. This catch is how the whole pressure system becomes visible — which research on self-criticism suggests is where easing it begins.
Where you might catch it
Scrolling a friend's post
A friend posts a promotion or a finished marathon. Before you even reach the comments, a line lands: I should be ahead by now. That is your catch. Name it and keep scrolling. You do not have to argue with it or explain it away. Just note that one arrived, right on schedule.
Packing the kids' lunches
You grab a pre-packed snack and hear it: I should be making these from scratch. Another lands as you check the clock. I should have gotten up earlier. Count each one as it passes. The lunches still get packed. The catch is only hearing the word arrive, not fixing the morning.
Driving past the gym
You drive past the gym on the way home. I should work out more. It comes with a small drop in your chest. Notice the sentence, then notice the drop. That counts as one. You do not need to decide about tomorrow's workout. You are only keeping a tally of what shows up.
Asking a coworker for help
You message a coworker to ask how the new report works. Before you hit send, it lands: I shouldn't need this much help. Send the message anyway. Then mark the catch. These quiet ones count too. They often hide inside ordinary requests, and they pass in a second if you are not listening.
Walking past the dishes
Dinner is over and the pan is still soaking. I should have cleaned that already. The sink is a reliable spot for shoulds, so listen there. One catch, then another as you see the laundry pile. You can leave both where they are. Hearing them is the whole job right now.
Opening your inbox
You open your inbox after lunch and see forty unread messages. I should be on top of this. I should have replied to that yesterday. They arrive in a quick string. Count them like cars passing. You do not have to answer any of them yet. Just notice how many shoulds one screen can hold.
If it isn't clicking
I keep arguing with every should.
You hear I should exercise more, and you start answering it. You list reasons, plans, excuses. That is a different practice. Here, the catch ends the moment you hear the word. Try saying 'there's one' and moving on. If you notice yourself debating, that's fine. Count the should and let the argument go.
I only notice them hours later.
You realize at bedtime that the whole afternoon felt heavy, but you caught nothing. That is normal at first. Pick one spot where shoulds tend to show up, like your inbox or the mirror. Listen there on purpose. A late catch still counts. It means you are starting to hear them.
Counting them makes me feel worse.
Seeing a high count can sting at first. It can look like a sign you are failing. It is not. The shoulds were already there. Now you can see them. Keep the tally light, like counting birds on a wire. If it gets heavy, stop for the day. There is no number to hit.
Six levels deep
This page covers the first level. In the app, Catch the "Should" goes six levels deep, with its own line at each one. The move stays the same. Only where you point it changes.
- NoticeJust catch it. Nothing else. There is no wrong answer.
- RelateCatch it. Then notice how you took it.
- Turn TowardPoint it at the hard stuff on purpose.
- SteadyDo it on bad days too. Tired days. Busy days.
- WidenPoint it wider. Strangers. Crowds. People you avoid.
- RadiateSpot a chance to pass it on. Taking it is up to you.
Questions
What is a 'should' statement?
It is a rule you give yourself in the form of an order. I should call my mother more. I shouldn't be tired. Often it carries a quiet sense of falling short. Many come from parents, school, or work, and they repeat so often they feel like plain facts.
How do I stop saying 'should' to myself?
This practice does not ask you to stop. It asks you to notice. Trying to ban the word usually adds another should to the pile. Just hear each one and count it. Once you can see how often they show up, they tend to feel less like the truth.
Is it bad to have a lot of shoulds?
No. Almost everyone fields a steady stream of them. Some are useful reminders, like I should drink some water. A big count is not a grade. It just shows you how much background pressure your day carries. The goal here is only to hear them, not to judge the total.
How long does Catch the "Should" take?
Each catch takes a second or two. You do not set time aside. The practice runs in the background of whatever you are already doing, and you count the moments you catch.
Is this meditation?
Not the sit-down kind. It is informal mindfulness: paying attention on purpose during ordinary moments, with your eyes open and your day still moving.
Do I need the necklace?
No. The app keeps count for you. The necklace is an optional way to keep count with your hands: eighteen beads, two strands of nine.