A Good Reason
When someone irritates you, invent a reason they might be having a hard day.
A Good Reason is one of the 108 practices in 108 Moments. It is a mindfulness practice you do with your eyes open, in the middle of an ordinary day. There is nothing to sit down for. You carry one line with you, and each time you catch the moment it describes, that counts.
How to try it today
- Read the line once in the morning: When someone irritates you, invent a reason they might be having a hard day.
- Go about your day. When you catch it happening, that is one moment.
- Count it. Move a bead, or tap once in the app.
- Aim for eighteen moments. Fewer still counts, and a missed day is not a failure.
How to practice A Good Reason
What to look for
The driver who cut in — maybe racing to a hospital, maybe just late and ashamed. The unanswered text — maybe a brutal week. The abrupt tone — maybe a hard morning behind it. The catch is generating one plausible good reason on purpose. The common miss is needing the good reason to be *true*. You can't know either way — that's the point. You're choosing which unverified story to hold, since you'll be holding one regardless.
Why it works
Reframing a situation is one of the best-tested moves in all of emotion research: change the read, and the feeling downstream changes with it — reliably, across many studies. Aimed at other people's behavior, the claim stays modest but the logic holds: the annoyed version and the generous version are both guesses, and only one of them raises your blood pressure. Same facts, cheaper story. And when the truth does surface, it favors the generous draft more often than the reflex predicts.
Where you might catch it
Merging onto the highway
A car cuts in close and your hands tighten on the wheel. That tightening is your cue. Make up one good reason for the other driver. Maybe a sick kid in the back seat. Maybe a call that just went badly. One reason is enough. Then count the moment and drive on.
Waiting on a reply
You sent a message hours ago and the reply never came. Your mind starts writing a story about being ignored. Catch it there. Invent a kinder draft instead. Maybe their phone died. Maybe their day fell apart by noon. You don't need to believe it. You just need to write it.
At the grocery checkout
The cashier is moving slowly and the line behind you grows. You feel the sigh building. Before it comes out, give the cashier a reason. Maybe this is the tenth hour of a double shift. Maybe a customer just yelled at them. Pick one, notice whether the sigh changes, and count it.
A short answer at work
A coworker answers your question with one flat word. Heat rises in your face. That is the catch point. Supply a reason. Maybe they got bad news before the call. Maybe they slept three hours. You're not excusing anything. You're picking which guess to carry into the rest of the meeting.
The breakfast table rush
Your partner snaps about the spilled cereal, and you feel yourself bracing to snap back. Pause long enough for one reason. Maybe they lay awake worrying about money. Maybe the morning started badly before you came downstairs. Even with people you know well, you're still guessing. Choose the gentler guess.
On hold with support
The person on the support line sounds bored and keeps reading from a script. Irritation builds while you wait on hold again. Invent their good reason. Maybe they have taken eighty angry calls today. Maybe they are not allowed to go off script. Notice the guess, tap the moment, and carry on.
If it isn't clicking
Maybe they really are just rude
They might be. You can't know, and that's fine. The practice isn't a verdict on them. It's noticing that your annoyed read is also a guess. You're choosing which guess to carry. If the rude version turns out true, you lost nothing by drafting the kinder one first.
I only remember after I've already reacted
That still counts as a catch. Late is normal at first. When you notice the irritation afterward, invent the good reason then. Nobody catches every one in real time. Count every catch, including the late ones. Each one trains the habit of looking.
It feels like I'm letting them off the hook
Inventing a reason doesn't approve what happened. You can still speak up, send the follow-up, or set a limit. The good reason only changes the story running in your head while you decide. You get to act from a calmer place. The facts stay the same either way.
Six levels deep
This page covers the first level. In the app, A Good Reason goes six levels deep, with its own line at each one. The move stays the same. Only where you point it changes.
- NoticeJust catch it. Nothing else. There is no wrong answer.
- RelateCatch it. Then notice how you took it.
- Turn TowardPoint it at the hard stuff on purpose.
- SteadyDo it on bad days too. Tired days. Busy days.
- WidenPoint it wider. Strangers. Crowds. People you avoid.
- RadiateSpot a chance to pass it on. Taking it is up to you.
Questions
Is giving people the benefit of the doubt the same as being a pushover?
No. Being a pushover means not acting on your own needs. This practice is only about the story you tell yourself in the moment. You can imagine someone's hard day and still say no, ask for a fix, or walk away. The two work fine together.
What is reframing?
Reframing means changing how you read a situation, not the situation itself. The same event can be read in several ways. A late friend can be careless or overwhelmed. Picking a different read often changes how you feel about it. This practice points that move at other people's behavior.
Isn't it dishonest to make up excuses for people?
It would be if you claimed the story was true. You don't. You're aware it's a guess, just like the irritated version is a guess. Both are made up. Since your mind will tell some story anyway, you're simply choosing one that costs you less.
How long does A Good Reason take?
Each catch takes a second or two. You do not set time aside. The practice runs in the background of whatever you are already doing, and you count the moments you catch.
Is this meditation?
Not the sit-down kind. It is informal mindfulness: paying attention on purpose during ordinary moments, with your eyes open and your day still moving.
Do I need the necklace?
No. The app keeps count for you. The necklace is an optional way to keep count with your hands: eighteen beads, two strands of nine.